From throwing tantrums to breaking the rules, it’s in kids’ nature to test boundaries. While it’s important to recognize your child’s opinions and emotions, that doesn’t mean they should be in charge. Your kid may not know it, but clear expectations make children feel secure and help them develop patience and self-awareness. Take a look at the following tips to learn how to set boundaries for your children with minimum pushback. 

1. Establish Household Rules 

Without clear boundaries, kids aren’t sure what is and what’s not expected of them. So it’s important to go over the rules with your children. To keep things simple, make a list of what is and is not allowed. Then put it in a common area kids can easily see, like the kitchen or living room. For older children, consider writing a “contract” that explains the purpose of each rule and the consequences for breaking it. 

While some rules are open for discussion, boundaries created for safety should be nonnegotiable. If needed, feel free to recruit the support of technology to help enforce safety rules. For example, Gabb Wireless offers a phone for kids that doesn’t have internet or social media. This can help protect children from online threats. 

2. Create Consequences for Breaking Boundaries 

Some parents are hesitant to enforce consequences for bad behavior. While it’s important for your child to feel loved, it’s also important for them to understand that decisions have repercussions. 

With younger children, consequences don’t require a lengthy discussion. Young kids can’t understand why it’s important to go to bed on time or not touch a hot stove. With older children, it may be appropriate to have a deeper conversation about how exactly they crossed the line. 

The important thing for parents to remember is that they need to follow through with consequences. By doing this, you can help teach your child about cause and effect. However, if your child sees you frequently let poor behavior slide, there isn’t much motivation for them to follow the rules. 

3. Reinforce Good Behavior 

While enforcing negative consequences is important when your child misbehaves, so too is providing praise when they’re following the rules. Typically, kids want to please their parents. When you consistently give them positive feedback on good behaviors, you’ll likely see more of that same action. 

If you want to use praise to encourage positive behavior, make sure you’re specific. Saying, “You were so well behaved today,” doesn’t help your child understand what behavior they’re being praised for. Instead provide specific feedback like, “I appreciate how quietly you played while I was working.” This makes it clear what behavior you’d like to see again.

4. Set Age-Appropriate Expectations 

It’s frustrating when your child doesn’t follow the rules, but they might not be intentionally ignoring you. Parents often create boundaries for their children that aren’t age-appropriate, setting them up for failure. In fact, 56% of parents believe their kids have the impulse control to resist the desire to do something naughty before age three. These skills don’t develop until a child is closer to four. By setting age-appropriate boundaries, you can reduce frustration for yourself and your children.

If you’re a parent of a toddler, remember your child is still learning and will require ample patience. You can make mastering self-control fun by practicing it with a game. Playing “Simon Says” and “Duck, Duck, Goose” will help teach your child impulse control in a way that’s comfortable for them. If your child is a bit older, there are kid-friendly apps like Calm Child designed to teach children how to handle their feelings. 

5. Be a Role Model

People learn by watching others, and this is especially true for children. You may notice your child repeating catchphrases you often say or showing interest in activities you enjoy. So you need to be mindful of your actions and make sure your behavior reflects a person you don’t mind your children mimicking. 

For example, say “no yelling” is a household rule, yet you yell each time you’re frustrated. Chances are your children will emulate this behavior and yell when they are frustrated as well. While no one expects you to be perfect, it’s important to model behaviors you’d like your children to have. 

6. Have Patience

Chances are your kids won’t behave perfectly right away. This doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. It’s just your child testing your limits. You may have to give a few reminders that crossing boundaries will lead to consequences, but eventually, they’ll get the message. 

If you find yourself losing patience frequently, take a step back and try to identify your triggers. For example, you may find yourself easily frustrated after arriving home from work. If that’s the case, it may be a good idea to take a few minutes for yourself before interacting with the family. Once you know your triggers, you’ll be better able to manage them. This will help you stay patient when your children inevitably cross a boundary. 

Respecting your child’s emotions is important, but that doesn’t mean they get to rule the roost. Setting boundaries is essential to creating a home designed to help your child flourish. While some resistance is to be expected, implementing the above tips can help minimize pushback.